My name is Angie. Mother of three, wife, stay-home Mom, professional, daughter, sister, friend, but most important… survivor. Last year we had a baby girl, my third child, Olivia Anne. She was beautiful, courageous, and stubborn (like her Mom!) She changed my life.
We lost her three weeks after she was born.
There is so much to this story I would love to share, and if you so wish, you can read more about her on my website. BUT what I want you to take away from this post, if anything, is that we survived. We are surviving, and we didn’t have to do it alone.
Life after loss is brutal, beautiful, messy, new, life changing. It’s not a linear process and sometimes you feel as if you take more steps back than forward, but the point is…. you’re still taking steps. It breaks your heart into a million pieces, but at the same time, teaches you what is truly important in life, and what really is not.
We were inspired by the love and support we received through Olivia. People showed up in droves, and the humanity I thought was lost…. Is what saves you. AND speaking of what saves you, I won’t take you to church today, but I can’t write this post without giving a shout out to God. I never knew how much I was lacking in faith, untilI realized how much my life depended on it. When we found out we would lose Olivia shortly after birth, I was so angry I could scream (I did scream!). BUT He took it from there; I didn’t really even have to ask. He changed a stubborn, angry, sad, disbelieving heart…and changed it into one of gratitude and endearing love.
It’s not easy, and I’m not sure there is ever a complete end to grief. My kids lost a baby sister. Natalie still cries for her baby sister from time to time and all I can do is hold her. My husband and I brought a child into this world that we had to give back. I miss her. We are different. My family is changed. My marriage is new. Our family has some gaps in it. There are obvious battles we face, daily! It’s a hot mess from time to time! But we love more than we ever have before. We believe. I believe in Heaven and the ultimate destination of one day being a whole family again. God is love. Love has saved us.
We Are Survivors.16