The Scars of Divorce
When asked to write this blog, I was pretty sure that the subject would need to be about divorce, as this was the most life changing event in my existence. My divorce was rough. It was rough on everyone in my family. It took 2 years and caused trauma and heartache for everyone involved. However, to this day, it’s a decision I stand by. When I made the choice to walk away and to break up my family, I left the house with $7.00 in my pocket, 1 suitcase and 2 small children. It was the hardest decision I ever made in my life and I didn’t take it lightly; I had a lot to think about. Outweighing the good and the bad, the pro and the cons. There were many times when I wasn’t sure what to do. Being alone was always my biggest fear. The thought of raising two children without help seemed unreal. I went from my father taking care of me to my husband taking care of me and the fear of having to do it by myself felt daunting. This blog isn’t going to be about why I got divorced or anything to do with my past relationship as I don’t believe it’s fair to him or my new husband. It’s about bravery, and sometimes it takes a braver person to stay.
I now see this event in my life, as an opportunity to encourage others. Make no mistake, the aftermath of a divorce is forever. It’s like PTSD everyday. Now, from the outside, some can look at my life now and think I have it easy and starting over must be a breeze. You would be wrong. Three years ago, I finally married my soul mate, and of course getting married in our 30’s verses getting married in our 20’s is a whole different ball game. My priorities are so different. I have a blessed life; I have my 2 daughters from my previous marriage and 2 more children with my new husband. However, I would not recommend this to anyone.
My divorce was a traumatic, life altering occurrence and it will live in my children their whole lives. My guilt feelings are something I will live with for the rest of my life. I tend to overcompensate sometimes. I overdo every occasion and try to make all my time with my girls special. I have primary custody of the two older girls, but there are still chunks of time, and some holidays that they aren’t with me. I will never see my children wake up on Christmas morning and come running downstairs to see what Santa brought. That is something I lost. Each time they leave me to go be with their dad, it feels like someone ripped out my heart.
God has helped me a lot with this experience and having a strong Faith has helped. But I don’t find myself to be brave. I can now see that staying requires more bravery in many cases. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make it work. I just so happened to get lucky after my divorce. When I left, I didn’t know I would re-marry and create a new life. But my life now is a blessing, and I am grateful everyday for what God has given me. I believe that it is never too late for “happily ever after”, but the scars of our past choices can live with us forever. Every marriage is different and every situation is different. Listen to your heart, to God and try to find the good.6